Back in 2007, Tiger "I Put My Penis in All of Vegas" Woods apparently went on ESPN and criticized Michael Vick for not coming out sooner about his dogfight scandal. Via SPORTSbyBROOKS:

"If you made that big a mistake, you've got to come out and just be contrite, be honest and just tell the public that 'I was wrong.'"
"Waiting a long time got a lot of people polarized. ... If he would have come out earlier, he would've diffused a little more of it."

What's ironic is during the same year, Tiger's people granted an unprecedented interview with Men's Fitness in exchange for their parent company squashing a National Enquirer story about Tiger having an affair with Mindy Lawtown, according to The Wall Street Journal:

Golf Digest editor Jerry Tarde acknowledged that he was "mystified" that Mr. Woods had agreed to this. Under Golf Digest's contract with Mr. Woods, the monthly, which is owned by Condé Nast Publications Inc., spent as much as $1 million annually on donations to the Tiger Woods Foundation, printing the charity's annual report and sponsoring many of Mr. Woods's preferred tournaments, according to a person familiar with the terms. In return, Mr. Woods agreed to contribute monthly articles on golf techniques and limit his appearances in competing publications
Mr. Woods had cut an unusual deal with American Media Inc., the owner of both Men's Fitness magazine and the National Enquirer tabloid newspaper. Mr. Woods agreed to the cover shot and photo spread in Men's Fitness, whose circulation of about 700,000 per issue is less than half of Golf Digest's nearly 1.7 million, in return for the National Enquirer squelching a story and photographs purportedly showing Mr. Woods in a liaison with a woman who wasn't his wife, according to people directly involved in the arrangement.

All of this leads toward one simple conclusion about Tiger Woods: He should be forced to marry the now-single Kate Gosselin without a pre-nup. Although, there's an off-chance he might actually be happy with that. Think about it: She's blonde, white and will basically do anything for money. (Read: Burying cocktail waitresses.) Video After the Jump

posted by GossipGander

MICHAEL VICK - will have a reality show on BET to chronicle his life since being released from prison. It will be “serious and somber” and “revisit the Virginia property where he ran and financed a dogfighting ring.” This show sounds fun. I like shows where, after they’re over, I sit [...]

posted by GossipGander

In case anyone needed further proof that reality TV is the seventh cockring of Satan, Michael Vick is getting his own reality show on BET. But don't worry, it'll be totally serious considering it's essentially a giant PR move so he can get back on some Wheaties boxes. The LA Times reports:

"I just want people to really get to know me as an individual," Vick said last week in an interview from his home in Philadelphia. "What I want to do is change the perception of me. I am a human being. I've made some mistakes in the past, and I wish it had never happened. But it's not about how you fall, but about how you pick yourself up."
Producers of the Vick series emphasized the program should be considered a docu-series -- not a typical reality show like VH-1's "The T.O. Show," which revels in the excesses of its flamboyant star, wide receiver Terrell Owens. The tone of Vick's show, say producers, will be serious and somber as it focuses on his personal struggles since his release, including the strains on his relationships with his fiancée, Kijafa Frink, and his children. It will also revisit the federal prison in Leavenworth, Kan., where Vick spent 1 1/2 years behind bars and the Virginia property where he ran and financed a dogfighting ring.

Michael Vick says it'll be a "blueprint for kids" in dealing with adversity. Because I can't remember how many times in my childhood I was peer pressured into gambling thousands of my NFL dollars on dogfights. No, really, it seemed like every time I tried to do my homework on the bus someone's whipping a pitbull out of their backpack and I end up getting yelled at for losing my Super Bowl ring. Again. NOTE: Scope out The Onion on Michael Vick. It reads like fucking Shakespeare.

posted by GossipGander

- Jesus Luz earns his paycheck at Madonna's 51st birthday dinner. [Splash News] - Jessica Simpson is NOT replacing Paula Abdul. Is it because she can't read? That's discrimination! [PopEater] - Gwyneth Paltrow used to be in on the jokes. Now she's the ass end. [Lainey Gossip] - Tom Cruise's white sneakers: A revealing look. [Celebslam] - Michael Vick is now blogging his apology. Jesus Christ. The man has to play for the shitass Eagles now. Hasn't he suffered enough? (Note: I'm being facetious. About the suffering enough part.) [Just Jared] - Gwen Stefani is a recent mother of two yet I don't suspect her of hiding fried chicken in her purse. Just throwing that out there. [PopSugar] - Mark Wahlberg's lungs are made of vaginas. [The Blemish]

posted by GossipGander

New Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has taken to Russell Simmons’ hip-hop community site Global Grind to blog an apology for participating in an illegal dog fighting ring. Here’s the “What I Did Was Horrendous” entry he wrote after serving 18 months in prison:

“I’m sorry. That’s the place where I need to begin. My feeling of remorse. I ain’t never written a blog before, so putting my thoughts down on paper is a challenge - however it’s a challenge I must face. I can look a 250 pound linebacker in his eyes at the line of scrimmage and have no fear. But expressing myself when I know that there are millions of people who are so angry with me, and rightfully so, is a challenge unlike any other I have faced before.

“What I did was horrendous. Awful. Inhumane. And I’ve no excuses for my actions. It makes my heart hurt now to think about what I’ve done. And I’m gonna be real honest, it took a while for me to get to this place.”

Click inside to finish reading Michael Vick’s apology…

“Sitting in a prison cell didn’t make me feel remorse. It was meeting so many animal lovers, speaking with them and looking them in their eyes. Staring at them. Looking so deep into their eyes that I began to feel their pain. Allowing that pain to enter into my body is when I started to understand how bad it really was. I have been trying hard to connect with people who feel this pain,because for my whole life I was disconnected from the suffering of animals. And you might say, “come on Mike, how could you do those things to those dogs?” And you’re right…I ask myself those questions every day. What kind of person does this? How does a human-being treat dogs or any animal with such pain and cruelty? And the hard part for me is the answer to these questions. Because the answer is ME. And I am trying so hard right now to become a better person, because who I was, I am ashamed of.

“Cause see, my whole life has been numb. I was numb to the violence in my community…cause I saw it all the time, ever since I was a child. I mean, how does one grow up in a city that’s nickname is Bad Newz? You can probably guess that from the jump, ya’ know I’ve seen some bad things in my life. And football was the only way that I could escape. As a kid, I even used to go out fishing, and most of the times I wouldn’t catch a darn thing, but just needed to get away from the chaos every once in a while. So, when the commissioner called my name as the #1 draft pick in the NFL - the first time a black quarterback had ever been chosen as the #1 pick, I thought my life was all good. But, what I didn’t realize then, that I have begun to realize now, is that even though I had more money in my pocket, big cars and big houses, I was still numb. And when I say numb, I ain’t talkin about not realizing the stuff that was going on around me, it was just like I was living life asleep. However, that is still no excuse for what I did. But let’s not forget that there are still hundreds of thousands of young people growing in similar environments and seeing violence at a young age has severe consequences.

“Now that I’m trying my best to wake up, I know I have a lot of work to do. And this isn’t about trying to win a Super Bowl ring or a MVP trophy…this is about trying to save lives. I think back to when I use to play football and of course I use to see all those kids in the stands wearing #7 jerseys. And I would never want them to look up to the Michael Vick who did all of those terrible things to the dogs. I know where I need to do the most work is with all of the people around the world who continue to fight dogs. Let me be straight forward with y’all: What I did was wrong, and what you’re doing is wrong. We must stop dog fighting, and I will do everything in my power to be a voice of someone who has finally woken up from the numbness, and knows just how bad it really is. My mission now is to be a source of service to save many animals. I am working very closely with The Humane Society and will be launching a new campaign shortly. If I had one hope in life, it would be that my actions will speak louder than my words. I know it will be hard to forgive me until you see my sincerity through my actions, but I promise you and I promise myself that that day will come.

“Lastly, I accept this challenge, not of writing this blog, but of redeeming myself.”

posted by GossipGander

- Paris Hilton is getting bored with Doug Reinhardt and has started calling Stavros Niarchos behind his back. Time to "go O.J.," Doug. It's what Hulk Hogan would do. [Celebslam] - Lindsay Lohan pelted the paparazzi with Easter eggs last night after coming home from the bar. But she doesn't drink, everybody. She just randomly whips food at people to make the voices stop. It's all good. [Pink is the New Blog] - Zac Efron and The Jonas Brothers in one location. Somewhere, Tom Cruise is frantically looking for his booster seat so he can reach his laptop. [Lainey Gossip] - Hugh Jackman: Dream Gynecologist. Okay, maybe he's just a mad scientist. I can't do all your fantasizing for you, ladies. Or can I....? [Just Jared] - Michael Vick might be getting a own reality show "documenting his return into society" after serving time for dog-fighting. If he eats a full can of Alpo in the first episode, maybe I'll TiVo it. [Radar Online] - Jennifer Aniston told they're not using "high-tech devices" to make her look 48 in The Baster. There were no survivors. [I'm Not Obsessed]

posted by GossipGander