- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater] - Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I've seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip] - Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unborn son Gabriel. [Just Jared] - Jesus Luz is still bound by Madonna's sorcery. Seek holy water, son. Holy water! [PopSugar] - Linda Hogan continues banging that Charley Hill kid but has finally found the decency to make him look like a 38 year old bartender at Applebee's. [Celebslam] - Shia LaBeouf is a Wall Street broker who plays by his own rules. Except for helmet laws which he apparently obeys at the expense of his badass mystique. [Splash News] - Burt Reynolds was in rehab for an addiction to awesome. And, okay, pain pills. [Wonderwall]

posted by GossipGander

Brooke Hogan takes a meaty swing at her mother Linda in the song "Dear Mom" from her upcoming album Redemption. Here are the lyrics:

How could you give up
How could you do that
Why did you leave me
And when you come back
spending all time with him
You can't even see me
Selfish
What is you
How you mistreated
Your own kids
How could you do that
I know we don't talk now
How could you turn your back on me
It's better to live than love you

I have to admit, I'm impressed. Those are some surprisiongly deep emotions for someone who changes back to Dr. Bruce Banner once he calms down. Nicely done. Video After the Jump

posted by GossipGander

- Jessica Simpson has not eaten Tony Romo yet. Just keeping everybody updated. [Lainey Gossip] - Emilie de Ravin (LOST) is divorcing her husband just in time to star in a movie with Robert Pattinson. Hopefully they remember not to get pregnant on the island. [Just Jared] - Paris Hilton's first BFF Brittany Flickinger hates that the short-lived friendship has ruined her reputation. Right. Because Paris was such a shining beacon of inspiration before Brittany auditioned. [Pink is the New Blog] - Hulk Hogan is pissed at Linda's accusations that he smokes pot with Brooke and her boyfriend. He only makes them smuggle HGH across the border for him. Get your facts straight, lady. [Celebslam] - Kristin Cavallari is getting an insane amount of money to replace Lauren Conrad. Apparently it's hard work pretending to be so goddamn boring time and space bend around your boringness creating a vapid vortex of dumb that will one day engulf our universe. -- Fucking Hills. [I'm Not Obsessed]

posted by GossipGander

Brooke Hogan has apparently been accusing her mom of drug use which caused Linda to make a statement that pretty much proves she's high as shit. OK! Magazine reports:

Linda then responded by saying her daughter had breast implants, among other things, in a letter to Perez Hilton.
"[If] Brooke continues to spew lies on behalf of her father's lame attempt to distance himself from the reality that he is no different from the homicidal OJ Simpson, [Charley Hill] will be forced to put aside his paramedic/firefighting career path and release an album called 'Redemption' which will easily surpass any of Brooke's records sales."

So, let me get this straight, Brooke is being threatened by the secret musical awesomeness of her mother's 19-year-old boyfriend who will be forced to stop saving lives in order to teach Brooke a lesson via superior record sales? -- Nope. No signs of drug abuse here.

posted by GossipGander

- Shanna Moakler resigned in protest today from the Miss California USA organization. Is it because she wants to do more topless stuff? Say it's the topless stuff. [I'm Not Obsessed] - Spencer Pratt literally calls himself the "White Jay-Z" after releasing a rap single. Everyone in hip-hop is a bitch if this kid doesn't get shot TONIGHT. I said it. [Pink is the New Blog] - Brooke Hogan banned her mom Linda Hogan from her 21st birthday party last week. Apparently, there was a one tranny limit. Understandable. [Celebslam] - Wanda Sykes' and her wife are the proud mothers of twins. The babies are only two weeks old and already want Rush Limbaugh to die. Aww... [Just Jared] - Ewan McGregor stopped by Regis & Kelly this morning which raises the age-old question "Who would win in a fight: Obi-Wan, or the Penis Button?" [Lainey Gossip]

posted by GossipGander

Hulk Hogan's ex-wife Linda is jumping all over his comment that he thought about going OJ on her. She's using the remark to squeeze more money out of their divorce settlement, according to TMZ:

Linda Hogan just filed papers in Pinellas County, Fla. claiming she needs an additional $8,200 a month from Hulk so she can move "thousands of miles away" from him because Linda feels she's in "imminent danger of becoming a victim."
She's also asking for $24,000 for "advanced rent and security deposits" to set up shop in sunny California.

Or here's a thought, Linda, if you're really scared of Hulk you can move somewhere modest and quiet that's not only affordable but far, far away from the public eye. -- Wait, why did she run out of the room screaming? Is Hulk wielding a knife behind me? Oh, I said "affordable." Whoops.

posted by GossipGander

Thanks to his own divorce, Hulk Hogan is starting to regret revealing in a Rolling Stone interview that he understood why O.J. killed Nicole Brown-Simpson and thought about doing the same thing to his ex-wife Linda and her 19-year-old boyfriend Charley. Linda's lawyers have, naturally, jumped all over the comment. TMZ reports:

"We have always maintained that the fear that Linda has had to live with comes from the rage and instability much too often associated with pro wrestlers." The statement goes on: "Linda and her family are taking these recent homicidal comments seriously."
The statement concludes by saying Linda's attorney is weighing his legal options.

Hulk defended himself to TMZ reporters who caught up with him last night:

Last night in Clearwater, FL the Hulkster said his Rolling Stone interview was a 3-day long affair, in which he said he was really the anti-OJ Simpson. But here's the thing. Last night, he explained, "I didn't do the OJ Simpson thing. I took the high road."

I don't really think there's a high and a low road when it comes to murdering your ex-wife. Then again, this is coming from a guy who believed it was "God's will" that his son put another kid in a coma in a drunk drag race crash. I guess what I'm getting at is, someone should hide the knives.

posted by GossipGander

Hulk Hogan's lawyer should probably teach the Hulkster about premeditated murder, because he just openly admitted to wanting to go O.J. on his ex-wife Linda and her boyfriend Charley, according to Page Six:

"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat," he told the magazine. "You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

Here's where O.J. was smart, Hulk, while you're obviously distracted from having sex with Brooke's clone: The Juice had the foresight to kill his ex-wife without announcing his plans during the divorce proceedings thus costing him precious money he needed to beat murder charges. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't go through with it, just know you're working with a severe handicap and pretty much gave up the element of surprise. Then again, these two don't look like readers, so hang in there. No one likes a quitter.

posted by GossipGander