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Mar 11
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Brangelina, Dancing With The Stars, Icky Icky Poo, Kate Gosselin, Reality Television, Sad Sad, The Gosselins, aeden gosselin, angelina jolie, baby dick, brad pitt, cara gosselin, collin gosselin, delusional, depression, family, joel gosselin, jon gosselin, kids, maddy gosselin, nannies
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Oh, the trials and tribulations of having to call desperate famewhoring losers 'mom' and 'dad!'
Now that Kate Gosselin is spending half the week in El Lay on Dancing With The Stars, apparently the eight kids - WHO, BTW, ARE THE ONLY REASON THEY'RE FAMOUS - are struggling to cope without their parents!
Sources are reporting that the kids, watched by nannies, "were asking, 'When is Mommy coming home?'"
Even worse, the twins Cara and Maddy are getting depressed and the sons Aeden, Collin, and Joel "got into trouble at school for talking back to teachers."
There was no way in hell these kids were ever going to be normal, and with this news, it seems like they're fast-tracking it on the road to becoming MESSED UP teens.
Apparently, Kate is unphased because she wants to be a massive hack star.
Another source says:
"She says Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have lots of kids and their parents are away for long periods, working to support them."
UM. Delusional much, Kate? You're nowhere CLOSE to Brangelina's stardom, and they seem to bring the kids with them on location all the time!!
As obnoxious and frigid as she is, we can SORT OF sympathize with her fameWHORING - at least she's working to support her family!!
Is no one else wondering WHY THE EFF Jon isn't present to take care of the kids??
WTF is he doing that's so important, having his baby peen surgically enhanced??
DOUCHE.
[Image via WENN.]
posted by GossipGander
A very Perezicious reader snapped the picture above of the season 5 Jon and Kate Plus Eight DVD on display at Wal-Mart.
LOLs!!!!
Someone in their stock room has a brazilliant sense of humor!
posted by GossipGander
Six words that are music to our ears...
Jon Gosselin's rep confirms the reality star has turned down an offer from Playgirl magazine.
"He is not doing it."
How much were nude photos of Gosselin worth?
A whopping $20,000.
Really?
We know...we can't believe it either! Related Links: Jon Gosselin Picks Up The Kids
posted by GossipGander
If Jon Gosselin is really strapped for cash, we suppose he could always pose nude, but then we would have to find a way to soak our brains in Listerine.
Regardless of the mental damage it would do to us, Playgirl has said that they would seriously consider Jon posing in their magazine - if he would be willing to accept a pittance and the humiliation they would put him through!
A rep from the magazine was asked by Life & Style about Jon's future in the mag, and he admitted that it's been talked about, but by their standards, the spread would be "more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot.”
Ha!
He continues to explain: “We discussed it, and we’d offer him only $20,000. His star is extinguishing, and he’s not very [well endowed]."
Well, that we already knew!
How about you just keep it in your pants, Jon, so we can all sleep better at night?!
[Image via WENN.]
posted by GossipGander
Jon Gosselin having a small penis has become so universally known that it's literally costing him money at this point. Via The Huffington Post:
If Playgirl ever asks Jon Gosselin, 32, to pose nude, he may be a little insulted by the offer. "We discussed it, and we'd offer him only $20,000," Playgirl rep Daniel Nardicio tells Life & Style exclusively. "His star is extinguishing, and he's not very [well endowed]" -- as Jon's exes Hailey Glassman and Kate Major both recently revealed. "Honestly," says Nardicio, "it'd be more of a novelty than an actual sexy shoot."
Wait. Someone's paying $20,000 for pictures of tiny pensies? Excuse me while I call every single woman who's seen me naked and proceed to laugh in their face.
*picks up phone*
This might take a while. "Hello? Mom? Guess what..."
posted by GossipGander
Sounds like somebody is jealous of their ex-wife!
Ha!
Jon Gosselin is bitching over the fact that Kate will be appearing on next season's Dancing With the Stars, but is masking his jealousy as concern for the kids!
Like anyone would believe that for a minute.
"Jon’s angry because doing Dancing With the Stars will keep her away from the kids for days, and she still won’t let him have any extra custody," Jon a "source" complained.
Apparently they believe Kate is "obsessed with being a celebrity" and "doesn't stop to think about whether or not the kids will miss her."
The insider says nannies will be watching over the children instead of Jon, which is not surprising.
Sorry, Jon!
Your uber-douchiness is coming back to bite you in the ass!
Did you stop and think whether or not your children would miss you when you were vacationing in France????
Or how about when you moved to New York City?
Can U say hypocrite?
[Image via WENN.]
posted by GossipGander
Sorry, Jon Gosselin, your peen doesn’t have six-figure selling power. The cash-strapped former star of TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus 8 has been offered a measly $20,000 to strip down in an upcoming issue of Playgirl.
“We discussed it, and we’d offer him only $20,000,” Playgirl rep Daniel Nardicio told Life & Style this week.
That’s less than impressive, especially when we consider that the soft porn mag reportedly offered F-Listed celebrity baby daddies Levi Johnston and Scott Disick $100,000 to pose in nude pictorials. Although Playgirl reps declined to explain how they settled on the figure, rumors about Gosselin’s petite manhood are likely to blame for the lowball (No pun intended) offer. Last month, his former mistress Hailey Glassman publicly cracked jokes about the Octodad’s sexual prowess (or lack thereof) and quipped that he has the penis of a pre-pubescent boy.
posted by GossipGander
It's been ages since the last time we saw Jon Gosselin on daddy duty. The former star on Jon & Kate Plus Eight has been MIA while being sued by TLC and galavanting around with the world with his girlfriends. But the man nicknamed "Stubby" by his wife looked like he was happy to be back picking up the kids from school.
posted by GossipGander
Because what's the point of having eight children if they can't get you laid and rich? Jon Gosselin and TLC settled their respective lawsuits today. The details of the settlement were confidential but he should be balls deep in sloppy America snizz in however much time it takes to exploit a small Asian child. E! News reports:
And by the sound of it, the deal not only will allow Kate Gosselin to resume her reality antics with an in-the-works spinoff show, but it seems to pave the way for the octodad also to make a return to TV.
"TLC has reached a settlement with Jon Gosselin and will be undertaking procedural steps to conclude the litigation. All terms of the settlement are confidential. The whole Gosselin family remain under contract with TLC."
So when do we find out Jon signed over legal custody of his children to TLC? Or are they saving for that Christmas special when he tells Kate? "Wait, if you signed over your custody during the settlement, and I signed over my custody to get you kicked off the show, then that means... Ohmygod WE'RE FREE! Screw the divorce, do me under the tree, Jon! I put on some holiday weight the way you like it."
....
Why did I just write erotic Gosselin fiction back there? No, wait, don't answer that. Some stones are better left unturned.
posted by GossipGander
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